At the end of the day, boyfriend or no boyfriend, I can go to sleep satisfied because I never. lost. hope.

Here we go, most dreaded day of the year. I've only had a boyfriend on valentines day once, but that was in like eighth grade and he didn't even get me anything.

I can't honestly try to explain what today means, or what it's really about, all I know is that if you're a good boyfriend/husband/fiancé it should just be a day where you get to spoil your girlfriend/wife/fiancé even more than usual.

But for me it's usually just another opportunity to make me feel alone. And it's not that I need/want a boyfriend, and it's not even about the flowers or the goofy teddy bears. It's just about the fact that I wish someone wanted to be like that for me. I know very well what it's like to be unwanted. And I never deserved that. No one does.

Now you don't have to go crazy, boycotting valentines day, making depressing tweets or status updates. Just calm down. It'll be okay.

This year, for once, I'm not gonna let myself be all "woe is me..." and everything. Yeah, tomorrows a day about love, but you know what else it is? It's Tuesday. Just another day in February. Another opportunity for growth.

This year, for once, I'm not going to try so hard to lower my expectations just so I won't be disappointed. I always do that. I always try to expect the very least out of everyone because I'm afraid of getting hurt. And I can't live my life like that anymore. I don't know if anything significant will happen tomorrow, (or the day after that, or the day after that) but I know that at the end of the day, roses or no roses, boy or no boy, I can go to sleep satisfied because I never lost hope.

Miracles happen everyday. I'm going to start having faith.

Never lose hope.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Sick in bed the past couple days, I'm ridiculously exhausted. I'm blogging from my phone cause I remembered we have to do that.. So yeah. Ready for work to start, I got a job at Dewey's Pizza. Training is in three weeks! I'm getting excited. Feeling really old though. Also have to start looking for prom dresses, too. So olldddd. Application opens up for Franciscan LEAD in a few days, crazy nervous that I won't get accepted. I want it SO bad. Just gotta take it one day at a time I guess.

I want soup.

The Human

There once was a human,
A human was he,
And everyone told him the way he should be.
Be different, they'll like you,
Fit in, stand out,
In the end he didn't know what they were talking about.
There were too many voices,
He couldn't find home,
So instead he ended up feeling alone.
Then the voices died out,
all but one.
It was silent,
Then came the voice of the Son.
"Don't you know that you're Mine?
And I'm lucky for that."
And then it got quiet, the human sat.
The human silenced the pain,
Told the demons to flee,
he said,
"Now I know it's just Jesus & me."
And The Lord took his sorrows,
And crowned him with glory,
And well, not to spoil the end of the story,
But everything was okay.

It Killed Her But She Said It

He said he didn't want her,
after all this time.
He said he's only human,
and humans change their minds.
"maybe later on" he said,
in attempt to slow her pain,
and she said "you're out of chances"
as the tears fell down like rain.
"just friends" was his suggestion,
as if she meant nothing now;
and she wanted to be there for him,
she just couldn't figure how.
"you really can't be there for me?
I thought you loved me so."
And it killed her, but she said it
"I'd love to let you go."

The Musick Game

Ha....
*checks email* *REFRESH* *REFRESH* *REFRESH* *REFRESH* *NEW CLUE!*

My team, team five, is in the lead as of now. YEEHHH BUDDY. I'm pretty stoked.
I'm on a team with Zeb Stambaugh (Rinaldi from Farewell to Arms) and Nicole Vasquez (), we are kicking butt.
Mostly Nicole though, she's a genius. This game has driven me mad though, I think I actually am becoming Catherine Barkley. Doin' some cosplay in class on Tuesday, Imma show up pregnant, this is going to be awesome.

#teamfive
#swag

I really shouldn't blog after nine pm

They should seriously make caffeinated Sprite... That would be amazing.

I have no idea what's happening lately.

My family, my friends, my relationships with certain people, 

I just don't understand. 

I'm glad its Christmastime, but it's a blessing & a curse

Because no one likes to be alone.

I miss summer. 

I miss the way I felt,

The way things were.

I didn't have regrets this summer;

It was utter freedom, pure joy.

I miss my best friend,

After this summer we haven't spoken much.

It's not very cool.

I'm so insanely bored, I think I might just fall over from complete nothingness.

Dunno why like four people randomly stopped texting me?

It feels later than it actually is.

Maybe everyone went to sleep.

Maybe the world's asleep.

Maybe I'm asleep.

Today was good.

Tonight, not so much.

I actually kind of wish it would end.

But I hate going to sleep feeling weird.

So Imma stay up, hoping something great will happen.

Might just watch a movie and drink some Sprite.

Wish it were caffeinated.

k,bye guys

As of lately

Up
Looking
Are
Things
- ♥ -

He totally provides.

I swear that you don't have to go; I thought we could wait for the fireworks

I've totally been throwing myself into my music lately, it's kind of nice. I've missed playing,
I feel like myself. It's a nice change of pace, I don't really understand why everything's been going the way it has. But with music, when I play, it pauses. Just for three or four minutes, time stands still and it's me and my lyrics. I've always been better at writing lyrics rather than stories. They are my stories, but they're for myself. At least that's how it's been, but then I posted a few of my songs online, and after getting a good reaction, I've been meaning to post more. It's just very time-consuming but I wish I would spend more time on it. Its just when I sit down to play, or write, I realize there's homework I have to do and my room could be cleaner. Or it's late and I should sleep. Or my parents need me. Or my brother's knocking on my door every three minutes. It's exhaustinggg. But I missed music. It's always kind of been my life. I regret losing it these past few months.

In other news, life is hard. People let me down, I'm super stressed.

Music & Jesus, totally my life right now.

I swear that you don't have to go; 
I thought we could wait for the fireworks,
I thought we could wait for the snow.

Photoshoot- Jenny

Life

I never know what will happen tomorrow. Heck, sometimes I don't even know what's happening today. But I do know this- Life happens, and then you die. That's it. You can either focus on living, (In the moment, for today, the way you want) or you can focus on where you're going. Because I'm going to die. That's a fact. But not everyone really lives. So it's up to you. There's where you've been, where you are, and where you're headed.

If you live in your past, you lose sight of the right now, of the moment.
If you "live in the moment," you might miss the bigger picture.
So pay attention to where you're going.

Instead of running from your past, run towards the future. Or walk. Or skip. Or frolic. Whatever makes you happy. Because yeah, life is yours to live. But think of Who gave you life, before you decide what you give your life to.

You can plan for a change in the weather and time, but I never planned on you changing your mind.

three months left.
in 2011.
three. months.
I don't even know how to comprehend that.
High school is gonna be over soon.
I don't understand.

I have no idea what to do next.

Lately;

Lately it's almost as if I'm avoiding something. I don't even know what it is.

Lately I don't know what's going to happen, and I understand I'm not supposed to, it's just that I need a little direction; I feel lost.

Lately I've listened to a lot of rap music,

Lately I eat out too much.

Lately I can't tell what you're thinking, and it drives me crazy.

Lately I fell as if I'm not smart enough, and that everyone knows it.

I guess all in all I'm happy, right?

But lately I'm wondering if by chasing happiness, I'm just chasing my tail.

I don't get itttt.

Cheers to the freakin weekendd :)

I finally cleaned my room.

I need a dress for homecoming.

I'm tired.

I wanna get out of this houseee.

Working later. Woo.

I'm hungry.

Freedom :D

I got my license yesterday... talk about WIN. I got a perfect score on my driving test, (in Illinois you take the written test when you're fifteen, so I didn't have to do that.) and my picture turned out awesome. I got to go run errands for my mom for like two hours, BY MYSELF, where I controlled the radio, I decided where to go and what to buy, it was perfect.

It did take a couple extra weeks to get my license, which was stressful, but now that I have it, it doesn't even matter. :)

AND, my Edge meeting last night went really well, I'm really excited for tonight.
(To those of you who don't know, Edge is our middle school ministry at church, every wednesday night I work with them. Leading small groups, giving talks, depending on the night.)
Tonight's night is about Masks, getting them to think about who they really are, and if they're being themselves around others, to put it simply.

Other than that, I'm out of things to blog about. I need to go homecoming dress shoppinggg,, maybe friday? I dunno.

Thanks for listening.

P.S. Boys are still weird.

Its whatevzzz, yo.

I was never really as good at pretending as I thought. I used to think I was hiding everything about me, but I know you know. I'm not that naïve anymore. The trouble is figuring out where to go from here. I don't know what it is about me, but I can promise you I'm done falling. You won't have to catch me, I won't expect anything from you whatsoever. As long as you let me be. It could've been really great, I'm sorry for whatever I did. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough,

I'm gonna find someone someday.

♥

Aha, hey.

So hi, I'm Lindsey.

I've had many blogs in the past.. but I guess I'll be keeping up with this one unlike my other blogs, which are now lonely and forgotten. I always preferred blogging as opposed to journaling, just because typing takes less time. Plus, I like having the colors and backgrounds and everything. Although, I do think journaling is a more quaint way of expressing thoughts.

 I don't really know what kind of writer I am, I guess artist? I like to write in a pretty way. If that makes sense. As if I was writing poetry, without it actually being poetry. I'm big on quotes, I actually keep a leather journal full of quotes with me, and I add more as I hear them.

I think this blog will be nice. Especially since I'm online a LOT. So I won't have much of an excuse. I'm probably just going to write about nonsensical topics, as they apply to me in my personal life.

I don't really know what else to write about, Mrs. Musik said I have to spend a minimum of twenty minutes on this entry, and I've spent about fifteen. That's probably gonna end up being my problem this class, not spending enough time on my homework. I'm a huge procrastinator, it's getting worse the older I get. Hopefully I'll conquer that flaw by the end of this year.

Well, it's been a good twenty minutes now.

See you later.